Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Van Halen/archive1
It's well written and factual, with a good overview of the band. And fits all the criteria and more. I didn't personally add much to it, although I did verify the facts using references and added a picture, so Im not sure if it's a self nomination or not. --Richy 17:56, 18 Apr 2005 (UTC)
- I'm re-submitting this article. The writing is of a high quality, and it is quite interesting.
- Object 1) the lead section is way too short; it should summarize the major points in the article 2) not enough images for an article of this length; don't we have other images of band members and album covers already uploaded that could be used here? slambo 18:27, Apr 18, 2005 (UTC)
- I added a lead in section, photographs and annotated the photos with as much copyright info. as I could find/rationalize. --Chevan 20:02, August 25, 2005 (UTC)
- Object. 1) The lead section needs to be two or three paragraphs, not a single sentence. 2) References need to be cleaned up a little bit. 3) The heading titles are pretty messy. 4) As above, more pictures are needed and that group picture should be shown at a bigger size. plattopusis this thing on? 18:36, Apr 18, 2005 (UTC)
- Alright, I understand your comments and will fix those problems shortly, but other than that, what comments do people have? --Richy 00:34, 19 Apr 2005 (UTC)
- I've tried to address these concerns. --Chevan 23:03, August 24, 2005 (UTC)
- Object 1) I'm going to call copyvio on some of the material; it's obviously identical to material from elsewhere. (hint: look for sections of typical rock journalist "gushing" and cut and paste to your favourite search engine) 2) it could do with light copy editing. 3) you could do with more references and there should be a way to link specific bits of the text to the references they came from / are supported by. Mozzerati 06:51, 2005 Apr 19 (UTC)
- Object There is no lead section, and the entire article consists almost only of the History, which mixes the band's history with musical commentary, and anecdotes. I feel discussion of influence (the article needs more of that, too) and musical style, etc. belongs in separate sections. (See FA candidate Dream Theater for a good example of a structured article). The writing is also on the limit of POV. Statements like Nothing like it had ever been heard on record and "Eruption" granted Eddie Van Halen immediate guitar god status among players worldwide. and It was soon regarded as one of rock's most extraordinary albums. could easily be replaced with (sourced) quotes from critics or journalists. "Show, do not tell". Finally, and this is something I've seen User:Mozzerati request a few times for other candidates, and which strikes me as common sense, specific claims (sales figures, for example) should be directly referenced, with page/section/paragraph number. In other words, indicate which part of the references you used. This looks like a lot, but in fact I think the article is rather good, although it feels 'unfinished'. I started reading it with the yet-another-boring-rock-article mindset and was surprised to notice the writing is actually more than decent. All in all, good work, but not yet featured material. Phils 09:50, 19 Apr 2005 (UTC)
- Object (but not strongly) 1) I did some "light copy editing," and attempted to make the first three sections less "gushy," more neutral. 2) Perhaps the headings should be changed to "With David Lee Roth," "with Sammy Hagar," etc. 3) I don't believe that any of this article has been plagarized. 4) I agree that there should be more photos--two or three more. 5) Perhaps a fleshing out of the "differing reports" behind the band's original break-up? With minor work, it'd be a good featured article; it's actually an interesting read.
- I think the objections have been met. Unfortunately this was an anonymous post so I cannot solicit this user's feedback to remove the objection. Would appreciate someone else's point of view. --Chevan 20:05, August 25, 2005 (UTC)